She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
