On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
