is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
