Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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