im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
