Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
