I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
