i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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