Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
