Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
