dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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