I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
