I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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