In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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