he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
