Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
