If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
