You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
