Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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