Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
