Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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