I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
