would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
