can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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