no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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