What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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