what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
