Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
