so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
