I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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