the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
