Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
