shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My liver just had a heart attack.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
