So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
