is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
