Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
