i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
