Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
