and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
