you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
