Moan for me like Helen Keller
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
