Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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