Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
