someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
