I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
