don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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