Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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