i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
