I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
