wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
